Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Morning Time

I hate mornings.

I hate them worse when I'm pregnant in my first trimester

I've never had terrible morning sickness. My friend Helen Joy would puke everywhere so much that she'd keep a cup in the car to puke into and she found ways to puke at the store too. Thankfully, I've never had that issue that badly, but I always puke when I brush my teeth which just defeats the purpose of brushing them.

I brush them anyway.

This morning I was 15 minutes late to work. Most of that was because I couldn't make myself get out of bed early enough for my routine with a shower. I get up, make a bottle for Raziel, shower, get Alina and Raziel up, change diapers, and change clothes. Then we go to the kitchen and eat breakfast. I don't, usually, but they do. This morning they had cheerios, bananas and apple juice. I was jealous and wanted to sit and eat with them, but was too tired and didn't have enough time. If I had time to do anything, I would lay down and sleep. But I didn't have time for that either.

By the time I got on the road to work, some grandma going 35 on the road that most people drive 60+ on (speed limit is around 50 or 55) got in front of me and I got stuck. I hate getting stuck because realistically, I could have been somewhat prompt and on time, but granny was going so slow I couldn't get anywhere fast, and of course, the road is curvy and double solid lines the whole way.

*sigh* Such is life.

The all day shoot on Sunday didn't go nearly as well as planned. We were missing costumes, I was grumpy and non-helpful, and the cocoon that we had planned to make ahead of time wasn't made yet, was made on the spurr of the moment, and, of course, didn't work at all. Poor Brandon was actually tied to the bunk bed with belts for the one scene we got done. I was so grumpy and frustrated that I wasn't even nice about it. At least Brent was there to soothe his frusterations over and I didn't loose an actor for being such a jerk.

Today, I am just ready to be done. I'm ready to have a few days off to sleep. I'm ready to have a few days to relax, read, paint, and decorate. I'm ready to have some money to fix my car and fix up my house. I'm ready to have Alina's room finished. I have gotten all the big cracks filled in the walls (mobile home, lovely, I know) and sanded. I'm ready to have time to paint over the mudding and repaint the corners of my butterflies that were mauled in the process of repair, and I'm ready to have money and time to put up some molding at the top of the wall so there's not any big gaps. I'm ready to have money to buy 15 bins so I can properly sort her clothes and toys and things. I'm ready to have money and time to have a life again.

*sigh again* so I'm frustrated and today I don't feel ready for a third baby. Today, I don't think I'm ready for much of anything. But, life goes on. I must co-ordinate another shoot, plan the trip to SC for David & Sarah's wedding, call the mortgage company and figure out the exact amount I need to pay to finally have it up to date (that's been 4 months in the coming), I need to find a sitter for the shoot we're talking about doing Friday.....

It's too much. I'm going to take a break and read my book. Maybe I'll do all the things I need to later, when I'm more positive about the situation.

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