Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Today I have a headache.

Today I feel as if I have still had no sleep. (what is this, a month running now?)

Today I am frustrated.

Today I am worn out.

What is going on with me? This isn't simple morning sickness blues. I am seriously a sad person. Last night, Brent got home at 8:45. I already had Raziel in bed. He played with Alina (she learned to whistle through a straw) and laughed hysterically with her for 15 minutes and then put her in bed.

I didn't even make dinner. I went to bed and fell asleep.

I didn't even read.

I feel lonely and I am tired of having virtually no mommy friends to hang out with. We went over to Jason and Tiffany's the other night because their 16 year old babysat for us.... Jason and Tiffany are in their early 30's (Veronica was adopted!) and they also have a 11 year old and like an 8 year old.... had fun for the 45 minutes we were over there.... Honestly, that's the first time I can remember hanging out with anyone non-family or non-movie for a year, at least.

I'm so sick of movie. I'm so sick of my house. I'm so sick of being poor. I'm so sick of being tired. I'm so sick of people acting like I do have friends and that I have no reason to be depressed. I texted 3 or 4 of my girlfriends from Charleston a few days ago. No one replied. I didn't want to intrude on their lives if they were busy. I just want to have some good old girl talk again.

I'm so tired of being so alone. Brent's sad -- he can't understand it and doesn't know how to fix it. We talked about moving somewhere bigger -- but can't afford to live in any city because its too expensive. Even foreclosed homes are too much.

I had a great idea for a new story I should write. I didn't even bother to jot it down. I am drained and worn out and tired. I feel like I've been praying the same thing -- God, give me rest, give me a community of friends to be supported by -- for like... ever. I don't know what else to do.

sorry to be weepy on you.

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