I'm feeling better. I don't know exactly what all I've concluded but I feel alot better about everything and I am less emotional and more confident in my ability to be.... well, just my ability to be. to exist. I think I just needed time to understand my dreams and understand what happened and get used to the idea that something affected my husband and that means it affected me too.
Anyway, in the meantime, Alina has been horribly sick. She's totally fine all day and then she just pukes out of no where. Wednesday morning she had puked all over her clothes and bed and everything and she came in Raziel's room when I was getting him dressed and told me "mommy, I hiccuped and threw up on my bed" and I turned and freaked because she was litterally head-to-toe covered in puke. We tried to take her to daycare because she seemed fine and was acting normal and not sick at all. But she threw up in the car on the way so my day off was shifted to Wednesday and I missed Thursday cell group and that made me sad. She was fine all day Wednesday and she went back to the sitter on Thursday but she threw up during nap time again. So, she's home with Daddy today on his day off and I'm hoping she gets over whatever this bug is.
I learned my lesson about rain and GA last night. I went over to pick them up from the sitter and decided to go out through the yard path because its easier than backing through the driveway. Well, I hadn't realized it had rained all day. And also I hadn't realized that just because the yard doesn't look wet does not mean that the yard is not wet. And... well, to my friend in SC, GA is alot different in the way the ground works. In Charleston if it rains the water just stands on top of the sandy ground until it evaporates. The sand is still plenty firm enough to drive across, there just happens to be an inch or two of water sitting on top. Apparently in GA the ground absorbs every bit of it so as you may have deduced by now, I got stuck. Very stuck. So stuck that the sitter's hubby had to pull his van into the yard and push my itty-bitty-low-profile suzuki out of the mud and onto the gravel. I had Brent call them today and offer to shovel or rake out the tracks so their yard didn't look so destroyed. I apologized about 80 times and just felt horrible about it but I honeslty truly didn't know that I'd get stuck or that I'd even be risking it by driving through the yard. Nick said you never drive through their yard after its been raining. I didn't even really know it had been raining... Oh well.
Now it's back to life. Back to paying bills and budgeting and grocery shopping and washing all the dishes that haven't been washed in the last 2 weeks because the water pipes kept freezing and busting in spite of the fact that we left it running. Back to getting my act together to shoot a few last scenes for our film. Back to hoping that Brent and I get to go out on a hot date tonight. Back to hoping that my commission will be enough to pay the morgatge, the sitter, and have some money left for life. Ahh. Maybe I'll blog more often as life settles back down. And maybe it won't settle because after all Judah is coming in the next 8 weeks and I haven't even seperated the clothes from all the stuff I have put away for him.... and I have a baby shower first weekend in February in Charleston which I am VERY excited about because I miss my family and a baby shower will be a great thing to put me in the mood to get ready for this baby.