Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Public Discipline

I read on my g/f's blog today about how a mom was yelling at her kid in the store and it got me thinking so much that I decided to share my thoughts in a whole blog... I commented on hers but lol saved her the time of writing all I had to say.

The amount of times I've been out in public and parents mistreat their kids in the name of discipline makes me angry. There's the good ol' saying they fall back on "spare the rod and spoil a child" and they state they are only doing what's best for their child but I protest. It is one thing to spank your child in correction - and an entirely different message is sent when you are angry and shouting and smacking the hell out of your kid.

It has always amazed me the way some people treat their kids. I admit, there have been occasions that I've raised my voice at Alina for a minute when she really gets on my nerves... and it's always followed by guilt and "honey, mommy loves you, come give me a kiss. I'm just worried about you. you need to obey mommy." But, my parents had a philosophy that I have done everything I can to use with my own kids. They said that they had decided to never spank their children while they were still angry with them. This would spare us from being mistreated. I've done everything possible to use the same with my kids.

Exhibit A: Alina was in my jewelry box on my night stand and decided she would take out my only diamond necklace. I used to have alot of fancy stuff - then our house was broken into. Brent has only bought me 2 necklaces since then - one was lost at a pool when the person I thought had it thought that I had it. The other was my last nice necklace - and Alina lost the pendant somewhere in my room. I was furious. But, I didn't spank her - I put her in time out. First of all, she didn't realize the severity of what made me so mad. She's two - she doesn't understand the cost difference of a juicy juicy and a diamond necklace. I had to remind myself she didn't understand when I got really mad. I'm proud to say, though, that I didn't smack her or yell at her over it, no matter how upset I was to have lost my last nice necklace. I'm sure I'll find it - and if I can't -- it was just a necklace. It's replaceable. My daughter's trust in me is not so easily replaced.

This is where I don't understand parents who hit their kids. Don't they realize they've effectively taught that child that when they disobey they're parent will hurt them? Parents, especially at grocery stores, make me sad. Many of them treat their kids as if they never wanted them - and maybe they didn't. I wish people were more responsible and viewed their kids as people and individuals with self esteem and feelings.

I have a friend at church named Tiffany who almost glowed when she told me the story of her oldest son (now 11, I think) asked her if the other kids were being trained like him. She asked what he was talking about and he basically wanted to know if other kids were disciplined and punished for doing things that they shouldn't have. It was the fact that he called it "training" that got her - and me- so excited. I wish every parent would get a hold on that like Tiffany has. It's training. You have to teach your child the proper way to act in public, or to ask for things, or to treat others. They don't come pre-programmed. A small child doesn't understand they can't have candy cause Mom can't afford it unless you explain it. They don't understand that they can't have it before dinner because it will make them sick. They don't understand they can only learn it if you TEACH it to them, not beat it into them. They seem to be denying a kid their rights to be a kid!

It's like when parents slap their kids on anti-hyper medication - maybe your kid is just... energetic! Now, I'm sure that some kids somewhere need it but most of them just need a good parent to pay attention and discipline.

Ok that's my rant for now. LOL I'm done.

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