Rollercoasters

Well it seems from reading my friends' blogs everyone is going through a bunch of emotional roller coaster stuff lately. I guess I'm no exception.

For some reason, this week has been very hard. I've never been one to cry much once I became a mom. Yes, I know, hard to believe since I'm the one who cried watching Finding Nemo and Monsters Inc, but honestly, I just haven't been such a sobby person anymore. I don't know why... but anyway, the waterworks have been on hardcore this week.

Most difficult of all has been Raziel. Since the suzuki quit a week ago, and we were carless with the exception of Tues-Thursday when Tamara lent us her extra vehicle, I've kept the whole gang alot... I sent them to the sitter with Pam on Friday... but had all 3 all day Saturday - Tuesday. My dreams of being a SAHM seem to be teetering on the edge of extinction. I could hardly handle all 3 of them without loosing my mind. Brent said its just their ages and in a month or two it won't be so hard. That paired with my lack of sleep lately and their trouble adjusting... they've been nothing but trouble lately. Alina fed Raziel chocolate pudding this morning. Yesterday, she found a stash of candy and ate probably 25 pieces, and he'd taken his diaper off and smeared poop everywhere. The morning before that, Alina went into the kitchen and crawled up way too high for me to think about too hard, and got down the debbie cakes and had 3 packs of Zebra cakes (6 cakes total). This has been my life lately. Pair that with trying to keep the house clean? HAHA.

The reason I've mentioned this is to point out that they really have been troublesome little people. So, of course, I've had to spank alot. And, Raz just doesn't understand. When I spank him, or tell him no, he throws a fit. And, so he gets spanked or ignored, depending on the level of tantrum. But, the heartbreaking thing is when I'm nursing or cooking or mowing the lawn, or something like that, he wants to be held and I can't hold my 25lb squirmy little boy who sits on top of my newborn... and he just looks so rejected and broken.

I've cried more about that than I have for anything over the last 2 years. And I've cried alot about all the worry I've got over Judah. And I've cried alot in frusteration over the car situation. And over Brent's new job and sleeping alone.

I've been a weepy mess and sometimes during naptime I just go sit in my closet to try and clear my mind of all the stress.

I'll be okay, I'm sure. It's alot of adjustment and very little support since I had no car. Now that the suzuki is operating I'm going to Tamara's this weekend and then to church on Sunday and to Bible study Monday and I'll feel better about it.

OK I have errands to run. Sorry I'm so MIA lately. I'm just trying to keep up with my own life :-)