OK

So today's a bit better than yesterday.

No screaming and fighting and being angry with Brent today (or last night). I backed down alot (I'm attempting very hard to be respectful of my God-given leader) and he's trying really hard to be more understanding. We still disagree about having more kids - but he did admit that he might feel different if he felt like he got a respectable amount of love and attention, and didn't feel like he had to fight the kids for it. Well, I guess I can understand that. So, I asked him for 3 things that I could do to help make him see that I love him. #1) kiss him more often, like I used to (as opposed to the current G rated peck) #2) wear nightgowns instead of pants and sweatshirst to bed (because I cuddle more when I do) and #3) spend some time with him and just him - dinner, movie, play video games, a walk, whatever. Those? I can handle. Those are simple tiny things that I can handle.

We've had alot of issues with the fact that we have two VERY different love languages. Brent is very physical - not (always) sexy stuff but like holding hands, cuddling, rubbing his back, etc. When he tries to express love to me he usually gives me presents - flowers, chocolate, a nice dinner. I'm very much a Quality Time person - talking about our days, talking about the kids, going to dinner as a family, looking at furniture or toys or books or anything together. When I try to express my love to him is usually in an act of service - clean the house, mow the lawn, clean his car, have dinner ready before he gets home. Well - you can see the problem. Obviously no one feels like they're getting attention or loved and both of us try very hard!! We know this about ourselves and we're alot better about it than we used to be, but it's still really hard because I go to show him how clean the house is and he doesn't appretiate it (well he does but not how I want him to) and he makes me dinner and I don't appretiate it like he wants me to - and everyone gets frusterated. This is a constant struggle for us and we just straight up forget what it is that our partner needs/wants in our effort to show them how much we love them. I'm seriously considering just making a big poster for our fridge that states his love language and my love language and things that will make us feel loved. I really am gonna do that today (LOL) and see how that helps.

It's so easy with the kids - Alina just comes up and says "Mommy I want to snuggle." Raziel wants to play with you. They're so matter-of-fact. I wish it wasn't so complicated to figure out Brent. I guess it's my own fault because I know what his love languages are and I'm still speaking a different language... Oh well, maybe this poster idea will help.

In the meantime, today I am researching on adoption. Brent has always expressed interest in adoption and I've never really been interested... but I want more kids maybe and Brent doesn't neccessarily but maybe if we were adopting he'd be more open to it. Adoption is very common in our church - there's 4 families with adopted kids... Craig (our pastor)& Susan adopted 2 kids from Bulgaria... Jason (worship leader)& Tiffany adopted a teenager from our area.... and Chelle and (I don't know his name come to think of it) adopted thier youngest from Korea. Brent's been exposed to it alot and exposed to mostly situations that worked out really well. So, today I am looking into it mostly to become more educated about it and see if it's even something we could consider in 5ish years or so. I don't know if we'd do it - or if we're called to do it or we want to do it or will do it so don't jump to conclusions, but what I do know is that I want to make Brent understand that I listen to him and his opinion matters. So, research I will. I'm interested. I'm going to post what I find out about it in a later blog.

Anyways, that's my life for the day and that's what's going on in my life.