For Helen Joy!!! My thoughts on Mommyhood

This is my thoughts on being a mommy and how it changes your life and your personality. It's mostly for my dear friend Helen Joy who is tired and worn out because her 4mo son Barclay is very fussy all the time. You are a different person as a mommy. Sometimes you might think this is bad, but lets just think about a few things.

1) Before you had your baby, would you ever think of hurting or killing someone that hurt you? Probably not. Now that he's in the picture, if anyone tried to hurt him you wouldn't think twice.

2) Before him, would you stay up all night feeding someone regularly? Probably not. Well, you might have gotten up once or twice to fix a drink or something if your hubby was super sick... but if he was just hungry you'd tell him to go make his own food unless you were feeling sappy. Now that he's in the picture, you do everything he needs regardless of your desire for sleep.

3) Before baby, you were probably reckless in some things. I used to speed and pick up hitch hikers. Now that you have him, you're more careful to protect both yourself and him because you know he needs you. I've learned that you have to put things into perspective.


Yes. You are a different person. A person that loves and cares someone very much and devotes a lot of her time to making sure he is okay. This is beautiful. This is what mommies were made to do. It's not the end of who you are, it's not that your personality and life have disappeared, it's simply that your life has changed. This change is beautiful. It has made you more responsible, more dependable, more trustworthy. It has made you ready to do things people never want to do, and think we're crazy for doing it -- change diapers, be thrown up on, clean messes, do laundry at 3 am.

And, whilst you may be tired and whimsically dwelling on times past, think of the things that you have to look forward to. He may not sleep now, and he may scream a bunch now, but Alina had colic at Barclay's age and I thought I'd never get through. Now she is a very particular, strong willed child, but she is obedient and smart as they come. Not a year and a half later, she has a favorite color, she has a favorite book, she has a favorite bedtime routine (and yes, she does go to bed without screaming). I don't know if the doctors will come up with anything, or have any ideas for HJ... they didn't know for me. But, I've discovered that all her fussy "hold me and don't ever put me down" was simply the expression of her little personality. She was demonstrating before she could talk that she had an opinion and a way that she wants things to happen. This may sound silly, but its amazing when you can put your finger on it and see that it's his personality coming out and shinning through that precious little face of his.

And, when your next baby comes along, you'll be able to see the stark differences between the two. Raziel never cries when I put him in bed, and he didn't cry in the hospital nursery either. Alina wouldn't let us set her down. Raziel laughs all the time and is anxious to get walking because he wants to explore everything. Alina preferred to watch the world from my arms, and give an ongoing babbly commentary of what she thought. They are different people and now that I've had 2 I can see Raziel's personality coming out and I can see when Alina was doing the same. It's hard to see through the tears, but there is a little man in there trying to learn how to express his wants and needs and opinions to you, and he is crying for you because he loves you and wants to be close to you. (not that you should always need to hold him by any means -- he will have to learn.)


This is exciting -- think of Barclay like a little lump of playdough. You may not decide what color he is or how well he turns out, but you do get to mold and work and put little details into his every day life that become a part of who he is in the long run. He will look back and see your fingerprints, just like you look back and see your mother's. You are all that he's got on the day-to-day basis, you are his primary look-to when he wants to learn something. And, when he gets bigger, he will ask you about things, ask you why, and want to know what you have to say about life in general.

Sure, you don't have all the freedoms. But you have this time to instill in Barclay who you want him to be -- and see where it goes. You have this time to take your personality and watch parts of it come out in your little boy because he will be just like you in so many ways because you are all he watches. Someone told me that a long time ago and I never thought this was true until I watched Alina start coloring and drawing. She is super artsy (like her mommy) and she lays on the floor on her tummy and switches her crayons for other colors often (also like her mommy). She is always so proud when she's done and shows me and wants to tell me everything that's in the picture. I love this about her and its just like when I show things to Brent.

And, he will also look more and more like his daddy in different ways. I've never been a giver. Brent gave $70 to a co-worker who needed it more than we did and I got upset because I don't know how we will pay the electric bill now! It's something we're called to do -- give -- but it's not my thing at all. I'd rather help you move your stuff than pay for your moving truck. And Alina will be the same as her daddy, God willing. She already picks flowers and rocks and leaves to bring them as gifts. She colors pictures and gets things at the store to give to various important people in her life -- nene, daddy, baba, etc.

It's crazy -- you can't see it until later, but Barclay is an itty bitty person in many ways and he has a great big personality that he's trying to express!

HJ -- you're gonna make it. And, when he gets a bit older, you'll have time for a life again, I promise. You're a better person as a mommy -- the same person, just more responsible. I promise. Love you bunches.

My house is CLEAN! Almost....

Well -- I got my living room clean -- this took alot of work. It seems that my house has been overrun by baby things -- saucers, high chairs, small chairs, toys, diapers... etc. All of it accumulates in the living room because that's where Brent puts it. Well, I have cleaned it and spread it out. And now, I have only my table left to clean up. Then I cleaned my bedroom. This took a massive amount of work and effort. I moved my bookcase, my bed, everything. I also swept out under the bed and all sorts of things. I scrubbed the floor and the windows and even cleaned my closets and put up a canopy to match my bed. 

I have also continued to work on my yard... I picked up all the tiny pieces of a bucket that the dog tore apart. Alina helped me a bunch too - she was super cute about it.

This morning Raziel woke up at 4:30am. I don't known why he's been doing that lately, this is the second time. I think it has something to do with the fact that I feed him oatmeal and applejuice instead of putting him to bed with a bottle. I am trying to break his habit of sleeping with a bottle in the crib or in his mouth before he has teeth to rot out, but he has started screaming precisely at 4:30 both nights I've done this. I went in there with a bottle to get him to go back to sleep. He was so adorable, I wish I'd taken a picture. He was standing up in his crib at the end but he's so short that his little head was the only thing I could see over the end of the crib. He was all red and purple from crying. I gave him the bottle and he was so excited that he fell over trying to take it from me. I tucked him back in and he slept until after I left the house at 8:30am. I'm thinking that maybe if I put him down with a bottle of formula then swap it for a bottle of water that he won't freak out when he wakes up at 4:30am and has nothing to drink or eat. Maybe it'll keep him calm till 7 or 8 am. I'm not really sure what else to do about it. 

Well, I'm tired and I have work to do so that's all for today. 

Story Time!

This morning Alina informed me that she was going to have story time with her teddy bear and "bunny raggit." This rabbit is actually has a family history... I believe it was given to David when there was a foreign exchange student staying with my parents. I inherited this rabbit and named her "connie" for my tea parties and playing with my Samantha doll. I brought it when I moved out not thinking my children would be interested but that it would probobly be one of those things that sits on the shelf and you know its special but aren't allowed to play with it. Well, Alina loves stuffed animals and has taken "Connie" as her own. She tucked her and this huge teddy bear into a pallet she made on the floor and found a baby blanket to cover them up with. Then she laid down and told them a story about Grapes and Larryboy and Bumblyburg *these were the only words I identified* This was absolutely precious and I can't get over how sweet it was. 

Also --- Alina read her grover monster book to her Nene yesterday. This was equally precious. She got the book and sat down and Nene read it to her. Then Alina took it, said "Alina's turn" and proceeded to read it allowed. "Oh no, there's a munistner!" "please don't turn the page!" "you turned the page!" "please don't turn another page!" "you made a mess!" "all right all right!" "you are strong!" "oh silly me. I am the munistner." If you are familiar with this book, you will know how sweet this is! (see previous blog!) 

Raziel and Alina took a 2 hour nap yesterday. I was able to get half of my back yard mowed! If you've ever seen my yard, you know this is a huge deal. If you haven't, just imagine a jungle that has never seen a human being before and that's sort of how it looked. I now have a manageable front yard - nice, even -- and a halfway manageable backyard. I even moved Odin (our 120lb puppy) to the back tree by the shed so he doesn't tear up my front yard grass. Brent is even talking about getting some seed and spreading it in the yard so it grows grass instead of having dirt and clay patches everywhere. Tomorrow I am going to get the second half of my backyard done during naptime. Brent says the babies sleep for 2 and a half hours when he has them. That's crazy to me. But, I let them sleep and they went to bed just fine at night so that's the plan. Maybe I can even get someone with a truck to haul off the old trampoline and swingset I have rusting back there. I'm going to look at the pool and see about getting it hauled off too. 

Tomorrow I also have to get my living room cleaned. LOL. the joys of being a mommy with too much planned and not enough time or money. I guess that's life. Owell, at least my kids are perfect! 

The rat in my attic

Well it was so horrible I have to share. Thank God, it has nothing to do with my children! 

Anyways, about two days ago, Wednesday I think, I came into work and smelt the most horrific thing I'd ever smelt in my life. It made me want to puke. Being a mommy, I went straight to work cleaning things. All good mommies have, at one point or another, neglected a trash can, toilet, fridge or just the kitchen in general and things start to smell. And, those good mommies smell it and proceed to clean until the smell has been resolved. 

Well, I cleaned both bathrooms. I took out all the trash. I cleaned the fridge. I cleaned the microwave. I cleaned behind the fridge and microwave. I looked under tables and everything. Well, I found nothing gross and the smell didn't go away. I figured maybe I was crazy. I sprayed some lysol and set to work. First customer that walked in goes "Eeeh, I don't mean to be rude, but what is that smell?" 

I apologized to the man and helped him with his phone, conversating the whole time about what it might be. I explained I'd cleaned thouroughly and couldn't find anything gross. Well, he believed that something had died in here. 

Charlestonians, this happens alot here, apparently. I was shocked because of the number of things dead on the highway regularly. My mother in law had a possum die under her house and that was nasty. I have never had the pleasure (HAH) of such an issue. 

The worst I've had in my house was mice -- small ones -- about 3 inches long. I wanted to be humane and catch them in boxes and set them free. This got out of hand quickly and we had to spend about $100 in poisen and repellants and other things to finally get them all out. They multiply quickly. I don't want to consider how many mice were in my house but it took 6 months to get it all cleaned up and thrown out -- all the poop and dead mice remains and things they'd destroyed. It was horrific. 

Anyway, I figured "oh a rat? they don't make that much smell. We've had rats in my house and it wasn't really this bad." The man laughed. "How big were they?" he asked. "About 3 inches." "Those are mice. I mean a rat." The man holds up his hands and shows me that he means a varmit the size of a cat. I almost fainted at the prospect of such a creature running around above my head all day long. What would happen if it fell through on a customer -- or me? Dear God, this was an awful concept. 

Well the day drug on and I was alone Wednesday so I had no clue as to what to do about it. Maybe, I thought, it will just go away. Maybe it's not a rat, someone just puked or something and it will disentigrate and stop smelling. LOL I was wrong. Thursday, it was even worse. When I opened the door on Thursday morning, I almost threw up. I looked at my co-worker and told him I'd cleaned everything and didn't know what to do about it. He concluded it was indeed something dead, then. We agreed it was in the ceiling in the men's bathroom. We called the landlord. He came in, smelt it and left. He agreed it was something dead. I propped the doors open to let us breathe. 

A pest control man came in, took one look at the ceiling in the bathroom and told us 2 things that he knew for sure. #1 - something was dead. He said the type of flies we had around only came to eat something that had died. (gross) #2 - he didn't have ladder high enough to get it out. Well, the landlord spent all day supposedly trying to find someone to get it and according to him, "no one will do it." So, at 5:30 I took over and called everyone google yellow pages gave me until I got someone to come get it out. Cost the landlord $90. The poor guy almost threw up when he opened the ceiling tile. He had to come down and go outside for 5 minutes and smoke because he couldn't bear the smell. 

At 6:00pm I left. LOL. It wasn't my problem anymore. The poor man pulled out a rat that was about a foot long and weighed about 5lbs. I came in today and lit candles all over the store. About 2 hours of burning and it doesn't smell so bad in here. 

This was my adventure for the day. I couldn't believe it. It was ridiculous. Creatures the size of full grown cats are in my attic. They laid out poisen and told us to listen for more. The pest control people will be back to check in a week or two. Apparently, they think several rats may be up there. *shivers* 

YUCK

Bedtime is now a joy!

Okie dokie so here's the scoop. 

I talked to my wonderful mother about Alina being so clingy to me all the time and not ever - EVER- - wanting to have her daddy lay her down for the night. She would scream and holler and yell and beg for mommy and it just broke Brent's heart every time. I'd had enough - Brent and Alina were going to have a good relationship - regardless of what she wanted. So, my mom suggested that Brent have a different kind of bedtime routine from the one I use for Alina. Well, that night we gave it a shot. 

I dress Alina in her pj's, brush her hair and teeth, rock her and sing to her 3 songs - Truly Scrumptious, Jesus Loves You and Jesus Loves the Little Children. Then, I lay her down in her crib, tell her good night and to let me know when she wakes up in the morning. Well, this wasn't working for Brent. So, he took a different approach. (this is how creative my husband is.) 

Brent & Alina's Routine

 1) Brent and Alina get in Alina's cib. She is always thrilled to have company in there.

2) Brent asks Alina who she wants to hear a story about.

3) Alina almost always says Larryboy -- sometimes Junior, Petunia, Bob, or someone else too if Brent prompts her for a second person. 

4) Brent proceeds to tell a silly story about how Larryboy could not sleep because some badguy was making noise and the mayor calls him to get him to help all of Bumblyburg go to sleep. 

5) Alina giggles like a silly child that has had candy for the first time

6) Brent tells Alina at the end that then Larryboy laid down and went to sleep and that it's her turn too. 

7) Alina and Daddy share hugs and kisses and Brent gets out of the crib and Alina goes straight to sleep. 

It's a beautiful thing -- works wonders. Last night I asked Alina if she wanted me to put her down and she said "No, I want story time!" 

I was so excited because Brent heard her and his face just lit up like she'd said the most precious thing in the world. It was amazing to me how something so little made him so happy. I was excited that she wanted him to put her down. We've made some real progress! 

brent got the job!

So great news! brent took the tech job! this means he will be in the car part instead of the registers. he is excited because its a decent raise and more hours. he still doesn't get opening shifts and has to work all day sunday so i will be going to church alone but its almost an $150 difference on his check and he is sure he will enjoy it more. also the store manager said it would be 6 mos before he can get promoted again but that would be 'perfect timing' so we are pretty excited about whatever that means.

i am trying to be positive about it. he is excited. his supervisor agreed to give him mondays and fridays off and that will be good for the movie. i will miss him at church but owell. change is unavoidable.

pray for me. i need encouragement.

It's been a while

So, I know its been a while, but I am a very busy person lately -- work, kids, movie, paying bills, not paying bills, etc. 

I'm just generally pretty stressed out today. I'm working alone and haven't had 5 mintues where I'm not trying to do 3 things at once. Right now I am loading a phone on one cpu and software upgrading on the other. I know. wow. 

my brain hurts; i have too much happening. i feel bad that i dont spend more time cleaning and playing with my kids but that's life right now. i work all the time and still am a month and a half behind on my morgatge. And, we had this company that was supposed to help us fix our credit and our girl went on leave and now i have nothing happening on that end and a bunch of people i owe money to that i told we would work out things through the credit agency and now they arent doing their job. i am so discouraged today. 

owell. thats life.